I would like to plead “guy” to all charges, your Honor!

By that I mean, I don’t speak either subtle or hint and I’m likely to totally misunderstand pretty much ANYTHING that isn’t engraved in stone and then smacked into the side of my head.  I am likely to read meaning into things that are meaningless and totally miss things that should be obvious – if you want me to know something, please tell me in short simple sentences and expect that I’m still likely to misunderstand.  My feelings can be hurt easily, but I’m almost impossible to offend.  If I ask “are you OK?”, it’s because I care.  If you say “yes”, I know you aren’t being honest because I know there is something wrong or I wouldn’t have asked.  I’ll try not to push (even though it’s in my nature to do so) because I know I shouldn’t.  And while I will REALLY want to fix anything that is wrong, I will TRY to just listen and be supportive because it’s probably what you really want and need.  Basically, I’ll try to be there for you and be a good friend.