The sum of our experiences….

The sum of our experiences make us who we are.   Some of us have had (what we feel were) horrible experiences – things either done to us or by us.  Others would laugh at our definition of horrible.

I have listened to people talk about their past and how it moulded them into the person they are today.  Others have only hinted at past experiences but have shared current feelings that imply that their past was more traumatic than they are willing to talk about or maybe even admit to themselves.  I guess it’s explainable, but it seems that the vast majority of people that offer up details about their “horrible” past tend to have stories that are pretty mild.  Generally, the more painful the experiences the less likely it is that a person is willing to talk about it.

I have friends that lost loved ones early in life, were beaten and abused.  Some will only hint at what was done to them, but have phobias today that make me assume it was worse than what they are willing to admit.  I experienced a bit of the trauma a few of my friends were put through first hand.  After some time passed, I managed to convince myself that what I “remembered” didn’t really happened – it must have been a dream.  Then I talked to others that were involved and found out that not only did what I remember actually happen but that there was more that happened to them than I was aware of at the time.

It’s really kind of a miracle that any of us live through the things that make us who we are… Hopefully, not all of the memories that make us who we are were sad or horrible. Here are a few random memories that shaped me. Most weren’t traumatic (at least outwardly) but they all added together to make me who I am today (in no particular order):

  • Sitting in church and smelling perfume that absolutely drove me crazy.
  • Trying to help a girl in pre-algebra only to have her bite my head off (this changed my entire outlook on school).
  • Holding the hand of a young lady on the church bus and admitting feelings for her, only to find out she was asleep.
  • Being “friends” with a girl only to offend her, have her club me up the back of my head with her pom pom and then never really talk to me again.
  • Borrowing a calculator for a math test.
  • Having someone admit to having a crush on me, but not believing it (low self esteem sucks)
  • Every first kiss.
  • Having a crush on a girl and knowing her sister had a crush on me.
  • Being the guy that dads thought was “safe” for their daughters to hang out with.
  • Going bowling after school.
  • Riding double on a motorcycle.
  • Having my best friend die in a car crash.
  • Trying to be a gentleman, when that wasn’t what was wanted.
  • A winter hay ride.
  • A mirror and a balance scale in the chem lab.
  • Cracking the skull of the Jr. High bully and leaving him lying in the dust.
  • Chemistry party.
  • The ‘Thing”.
  • Always being in the “friend zone”.
  • And yes, there are a few memories I don’t want to talk about or even think about, but those are my daemons.

Oh, and before you ask…. No, I’m not admitting who any of the parties involved were.  If it was you, I hope the memory was a good one….  If not, I apologize!

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